


Love of Mortals

by Cell_Undefined



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Chatting in English is easy but writing fictions in English is soooooo hard, It is a translated work and original copy is in Mandarin, M/M, You can find the original one in my works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 07:17:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17075831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cell_Undefined/pseuds/Cell_Undefined
Summary: I fucked with my brother’s ex-boyfriend.Five days later, I proposed to him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Human AU
> 
> Chapter 1 is the narrative of RK800-60 (We call him Constantine in this work)  
> Chapter 2 is the narrative of Daniel, which is a much longer story

I fucked with my brother’s ex-boyfriend. 

Five days later, I proposed to him.

His name is Daniel. We met at the party several weeks before Connor's wedding. When I saw him at the first time, he was slumping in a dark corner, in a white shirt stained with different kinds of alcohol. His blue eyes half opened, his tongue slurred his unclear words. In a pub, it was so common to see a mega drunk guy and Connor never mentioned anything about Daniel. So, I didn’t care about him at all. At that moment, I just wanted to get the hell out of this dumb bachelor party as soon as possible— My name is Constantine, yes, C-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-i-n-e. I'm tired of being mistaken by a bunch of drunk bozos who came up to me with their sweaty arms around my neck, and yelled aloud Connor’s name to me. I explained to them politely, again and again, that I'm not Connor. My patience was wearing thin.

I glanced at my watch. The flight back to New York was in just two hours — I had to go. Unlike my brother, who is just a small-town cop, I’m a busy man.

In front of the Bar I saw the pretty blond man again. Another man was holding him up. The man grabbed him by the buttocks, and he struggled in vain with his strength.

I had said that I didn't care about this drunk stranger at all, and I did’t want get into any trouble. Something like this happens every day. Just at that moment, he looked up at me with his pale, pleading eyes, his thin lips parted in speechless silence, his lashes trembled with tears — When the man who claimed to be Daniel’s companion told me to Fuck Off, I hit this bastard right on the jaw.

The guy passed out right away, which avoided a bloody fight. I brought Daniel to a hotel across the street, rinsed him out in the tub with warm water, rolled him up with a towel and tossed him to the bed. I swear, I had no interest in being nice, and what I did was the same as what my colleagues did to me every time I got a hangover.

After wasting a lot of time, I was just about to leave. He crashed out of bed with a loud sound, so I had to return. When I was trying put him back on the sheet, Daniel reached out his arm and hugged me, burying his face in my neck, slightly twitching his shoulder — he was crying, begging me to stay with him. He pressed his lips against mine, without any words. God…He was wearing nothing. The small wet drops stained on my shirt and pants, his skin was dry and warm. He ripped off my tie and took off all of my cloths. He sat on top of me with his knees apart, whimpering with a frown when he just got my dick inside.

I've never had sex with a man before, and his hot, tight inside made me come just within no more than three minutes. I was so embarrassed, while Daniel was still sitting on my dick, chuckled slightly after making me like this— It really pissed me off. I threw him into the bed and fucked him like a pile driver. He hugged my neck tightly, cried and begged, but I was not going to stop. As he dared to set me up and laugh at me, I would like to show him how much I can do. 

We had sex all night. He was lucky, came again and again, finally passed out and fell into his sweet dream directly. I lay on his chest, looking at him for a good while. Then I fell asleep before I knew it, just like an exhausted old cattle.

When I woke up, it was past noon. The hotel staff who came to clean the room was keeping ringing the bell. Then I found Daniel had already left. 

I grabbed the sheets to cover the lower body and stumbled out of the bed. I checked my briefcase at the first time, the valuables and important files were still there. Predictably, my boss Amanda blew up my phone last night. Finally she emailed me at 6:00 a.m., just to let me know that I didn't have to come back to work this day, and I never will.

— I got fired.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I kneaded my messy hair in a daze. A chill shiver rippled over my skin. Rather than fear, it was due to the running air conditioner. I rushed into the bathroom to get a shower, facing the warm water flow to let myself sober up a little. I leaned against the tile wall and started thinking about how to get another job decently.

Unlike my useless brother, I never worry about how to survive in a big city. I’m always the one who makes my parents feel proud. I'm good at lying with a trustworthy face, that’s why I make more money. Making friends with important customers is also my strength. Wherever I go, I keep in good touch with them. In the eyes of my previous bosses, I was even doing better than the banknote printers. Firing me is Amanda's great loss, and she’s GONNA regret it.

Thanks to my friends’ recommendation, I got a well-paid job again just on the first day back in New York. My new boss told me he was going to see an important client in the afternoon, and his assistant would come here later and lead me to know the new environment on his behalf.

When I was waiting, I looked through all the handover materials. Then, I realized that actually I was not so interested in what this company was doing. I turned on my phone, looking for a better place to jump again.

I did find a better place, and the position was perfectly made for me, but as soon as the assistant opened the door, I had to change my mind.

The assistant was the same height and face as the blond man who had cost me my last job that night, the only difference being that he talked to me with a nice British accent. He introduced the stuff about their company at a leisurely pace, asking me if I had any other questions. I tried to keep calm, eagerly waiting for him to talk about us, but it seemed that he didn't recognized me at all.

Eventually, I got to talking about that night in Detroit, saying all kinds of things I wanted him to remember, but he just looked at me, with his eyes telling me that I seemed to be a fool for no reason. At that moment, I felt like a thrown one-time vibrator. This cruel man soaked my heart in liquid nitrogen. He took it out gently, and then smashed it into broken pieces.

I walked away, in despair. Even the complex emotion of being abandoned had not been well prepared, I was called back again and told that I was mistaken. The assistant’ name was Simon. He told me that his twin brother, Daniel, had just come back from Detroit. He locked himself into the private apartment for no reason, and he was not willing to see anyone.

In fact, On the day I met Daniel, I already had a suspicion. He couldn’t show up in Connor's Bachele party for no reason, and he couldn’t only ask for my help outside the bar for no reason. Even if Connor never mentioned that he had a gay lover before, I could guess the truth from Daniel's drunken babble when we had sex. 

Daniel got me and Connor wrong. 

I asked Simon to take me to him. At first, he refused me politely. The next day he called me that Daniel still locked himself in the apartment and cut off all contact with the outside world. He said Daniel might need my help, so I put on my best suit, adjusted my best expressions and body movements in front of the Mirror, and practiced whatever I could get Daniel willing to listen until time ran out.

I had always been confident in myself when facing whatever kind of difficult clients, but on the way to Daniel’s apartment, my heart was pounding like a teenager. My palms were sweaty when pressing the doorbell, and my tongue froze, like an extra plastic piece stuck in my mouth.

Daniel saw me through the peephole and turned to press his back against the door in a hurry, making quite a sound. When I wan’t got so nervous, I must have foreseen the my dumb presence at the door, and wrote all that was to be said in a note which could be slipped under the door. I told Daniel that I was Connor's twin brother, Constantine, the one who had taken him to the hotel that day. I returned to New York, and by chance I became colleagues with his twin brother Simon. That’s why I had a chance to meet him again.

After the note was inserted, there was no further sounds of movement. I don't know how long I stood in front of the door. That black peephole was staring right at me, and I even didn’t dare to look at my watch. When Daniel opened the door, I finally felt relief from this extreme stretching time.

Daniel looked at me, and asked me how long I was going to stand there if he didn’t open the door.

Before I could answer, I was dragged into the room with heat supply. He asked me what I was coming here for, and I went over in my mind with the elaborate sentences, which all sounds pale and phony at that moment-- yes, why am I here?

I looked at his face, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to touch him, I wanted to hold him, I wanted to have a good time with him just like we had done that night, but suddenly I began to afraid - I was afraid that he would dislike me, he would push me away, drive me away, or just wouldn’t accept me because of Connor.

I told him I also have no idea why I came to see him, but if I didn't, I would must regret.

I took his face and kissed him.

I pecked at his lips tentatively, being ready for a punch to the nose. However, Daniel didn't say no. He put his hand on the back of my head and asked for more. We stumbled around from living room to bedroom, teeth and lips tangling, consciousness further muddled by the lack of oxygen.

Daniel lay on the bed, breathing like a dying fish. His arms slouched over the pillow, his bare legs was holding my waist. His open white shirt revealed the sculptural smooth flesh beneath.

“Go on. "

He said to me, and I was glad to obey.

The wind in the evening blew across the windowsill and silvery moonlight streamed into the room, casting our shadows on the wall. Sweat dripped from his hair and fell on my chest. I looked up at him, and there was much more than lust in his eyes. He was not treating it like another one-night stand. I didn't know if he was taking me as Connor at that moment.

I pinched his waist and called his name, for many times. His lips moved slightly, but did not respond to me with a simple word, only two lines of tears rolled down slowly from his face with eyelashes’ trembling. Daniel pretended he was fine, using his arms to hold around the back of my neck passionately, the sweat on his hair falling back into the air. I kissed his face, and licked all his tears.

I could do the things that Connor could do, as well as what Connor could not do.

I wanted to prove this to him.

When I woke up the next morning, Daniel was sleeping next to me. I slipped into the kitchen, thinking it would be nice if this single bachelor could stuff the fridge with a little food. When I turned on the light, the kitchen was clean and shiny, and a fridge full of delicious food stuff was in front of me. At that time, I had to admit the idiot that doesn't know how to enjoy life is me.

I made our breakfast with about half an hour, gingerly plating out the food and taking them to the table. When I went into the bedroom to kiss Daniel awake, I found him was already dressed and taking care of the plants on the windowsill. The yarn-spinning white curtains were opened symmetrically, sunlight filtered in through the window. Daniel stood in the sunlight, looking back at me.

“Morning.”He smiled. 

I stood there, totally forget what I was going to say.The only thought in my mind was that he was a blessing, he must be an angel sent to me.

Daniel picked up some relaxing music on a small radio, and we started for breakfast. During the silence, I peeked at him, hoping he wouldn't think my food was too bad. I thought as fast as I can to find all sorts of interesting topics, and as it was my day off, I asked him if he would like to go out. Daniel thought for a moment and told me he wanted to go to the amusement park.

I can't remember how old I was the last time I went to an amusement park. If it wasn't for my parents and my brother, I would never have stepped into that place as a teenager in rebellion. Because I met the gossipy classmates who always liked to embarrass me, I willfully left alone. Years later, my family almost forgot how I screwed up that day, which was supposed to be a good day. And I still haven't had a chance to make it up to them.

Daniel's eyes were filled with expect, so I buried all my complex feelings about the amusement park, telling him that it also brought back good memories of my childhood and that I wanted to go there as well.

We held hands and walked into the park together, just like we had already dated for a long time. We put headdress with animal ears on each other, drank the same cup of extra large ice soda, and ran around the amusement park like crazy kids. After entering the haunted house, we took turns hanging on each other. Daniel yanked me onto the roller coaster, while it was he who screamed out in the roller coaster snapshots. In the afternoon we met a little girl who was lost. She was still crying after she was sent to the Amusement Park radio station. Daniel comforted her in the softest of tones, removing our animal headdress and giving them to her as toys. I didn't know what to do, so I bought her a cup of hot sweet chocolate, which seemed to be like by all children. The careless parents of the little girl soon arrived, thanked us in a hurry. They led the girl away, and looked at us in a strange way — I didn’t understand why we were treated like this after helping them find their daughter. Daniel was still saying goodbye to the little girl. He grabbed my hand and whispered to me to calm down.

Toward sunset, we bought two sandwiches and lounged on a bench in the central garden feeding the pigeons. On weekend evenings it is said that there will be floats parades in all the districts of the park, but we were too tired to go any further. We just wanted to take a good rest and enjoy the fireworks.

We talked and talked, and the pigeons cooed and cooed around our feet.

Daniel said the breakfast was delicious, and I said I'd make it for him every day if he liked. Daniel didn't answer me. He lowered his head and broke off some bread, then fed it to the pigeons who couldn't get food from a distance.

I looked around for a while, then asked if Connor had ever taken him to an amusement park. He stared ahead for a moment, shaking his head wistfully. He said Connor had promised to him, and Connor had never forgotten the promise. Because of Detroit's high crime rate, Connor had little time for him as a cop. Connor kept reneging on his promises and left Daniel at the gate on their last trip to the amusement park -- but Daniel didn’t blame him for it. Connor risked his own life to negotiate with the armed kidnapper and saved dozens of lives.

Daniel tells many more stories about his time with Connor, including how they met in Detroit, how Connor confessed his love for him in the rain, how they spent time in every Christmas, how they started arguing and how they ended up apart. He calmly recalled the past, and during speaking of some interesting stories, we will laugh out loud. A few pigeons which are scared flapped out of their wings. He talked so many of my brother's Romances and follies. And at the end, he could no longer hold back his sobs.

I held Daniel in my arms as he leaned on me and sobbed. I could not sympathize with him, but I wanted to share his pain. To be honest, I've never been in a serious relationship, and the girls I've dated since college have always been coquettish and sophisticated. They said they love me and smote me with kisses, but they were just playing games with me — that was why I thought I was going to be a bachelor forever until I met Daniel.

I was so happy that Daniel was willing to let me know all his past without reservation. I wiped Daniel's tears with my finger and told him that sooner or later there would be a new start in life. I knew I could never replace the love that my brother had shown to him, but I was hopelessly in love with him. I wanted to know how Daniel thought of me. I wanted to stay with him. I wanted to be with him to rebuild his broken world and lived happily ever after.

I proposed to him.

The bright fireworks burst everywhere, lighting up the dreary night sky. Daniel opened his eyes wide and looked at me, his blue eyes glassy, sparkling with sparks from the sky. He closed his trembling lips as if he were about to cry again — he said yes.

For a moment my mind went blank, and when I came back I was hugging Daniel and kissing him in restless ecstacy. And with tears in my eyes, I knelt down on one knee like a cheeky lad, put a ring-like trinket on his ring finger. I kissed his fingertips and the back of his hand, swearing that I would love him forever.

I was the happiest man in the world that night. I was the happiest man in the world.

The next day we went to buy a pair of real wedding rings and ran to the city hall to get married just in casual cloths. We brought a new apartment in Manhattan and invited friends and family from New York to come to our wedding.

After the wedding, everyone in the industry knew I was gay, and my competitors began to make up stories about it in an attempt to discredit me — but it was no big deal anyway, these mindless drones end up in garbage cans, so be it.

After the honeymoon in Las Vegas, Daniel told me that he wanted to go back to Detroit for a few days. We stayed with my parents without telling them about our marriage. After my brother got married, he moved into a new home and visited them occasionally on weekends. I tried to let my parents accept us, telling them that a very good friend of mine had fallen in love with another man. My mother advised me to keep a normal heart, but she still looked a little worried. My father, a former army officer, became furious and demanded to know if I was sleeping with this ‘friend’. He asked me if it was Daniel and grabbed the hunting rifle that was hanging on the wall to break into Daniel's room.

All I could do was denying it out loud.

Daniel was just in the room behind me, and I began my performance shamefully. I told them I had a steady girlfriend. I pretended to be very angry and yelled that what the Hell is wrong with them. I wasn't interested in men, and neither was Daniel. For no reason at all, they treat us as gay men who take dicks to survive, which made me feel so disgusted.

I said a lot which sounded very hurtful. I didn’t know how dared I take my father's beloved hunting rifle, unload it, and pull it over my knees. My father was so shocked, then I was beaten half to death by him. My self-loathing made me too weak to fight back, and I was knocked unconscious after being punched in the face. Before the coma, I thought I heard Daniel calling my name, and then I didn't know anything --

I woke up from the pain.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Daniel blowing and dabbing medicine slightly at the bruising on my cheek. I wanted to reach up to touch him, and then I found my brother standing in the room, too. Connor, wearing a police uniform, told me that he had been called home by mother to clean up this mess, and that I would have been beaten to death by my father if Connor had been a few minutes late. He looked at us as if he knew everything. Connor told me to get some rest, looked back briefly at Daniel, and left the room.

Daniel was so absorbed in taking care of me that he didn't notice Connor’s glance at all. I held his hand and told him I didn't want to be in Detroit, and I just wanted to go back to New York tonight.

It was a willful request, and as soon as I said it, I regretted. Daniel had a lot of places in Detroit he missed, a lot of old friends that he hadn't met, and I just told him to drop everything. Maybe I shouldn't have let him see my parents, my brother. We could have just stayed in a hotel somewhere, and all of this wouldn't have happened today.

Anyway, I couldn't do anything right in Detroit. This place always got me out of control.

Daniel agreed to my unreasonable demands, which made me feel even more guilty. After politely saying good-bye to my mother who could be still willing to speak, he packed up our two rooms on his own, flying back to New York with taking care of injured me overnight.

Back in New York, everything seemed to be back on track, everything was familiar and under control, and I was even able to sleep better in New York. In those days when I couldn't walk, Daniel changed my dressing, cooked for me, nursed my fickle stomach and even fed me a few pounds. My wounds healed quickly, too, but I still had a patch of medical cotton stuck to my face until the wedding leave was over.

During the office break, Simon asked me, half jokingly, if I could stand his brother's temper. I couldn't understand what he was saying. He pointed to the medical cotton on my face, looking worried that I was being abused. I explained the nature of the injury in a nutshell, saying that I had brought it on myself, and that I couldn't have gotten better without Daniel's careful attention.

"When he was dosing you, he didn't blame you emotionally? "

"No. "

"Since you met, hasn’t he been a little cross with you? "

"No. "

"He -- "

"... are we really talking about the same Daniel?"

Simon told me if what I said is true, Daniel truly had changed a lot— After all, I didn't look like the type which is perfect enough to let his partner have no grumbles at all. I asked him how Daniel was like in the old days, and he said that his brother was a kind and gentle soul who had a little temper. The last time he was in trouble was when he threw his firing boss out of a third-story window.

My smile froze on my face and Simon continued to tell me the big things his brother had done as a teenager.

I begged him to stop.

On the way home from work, I kept thinking about Simon's description of Daniel’s old days. But when I opened my door, I saw my angel changing from suit to sweater, wearing an apron and cooking in the kitchen. The afternoon conversation which had bothered me all the way was dropped by me in an instant — The boss who drove him away was a jerk, and Daniel just had thrown him from the third floor. If it was up to me, I'd throw the boss off the roof. He deserved it.

Forgetting what Simon had said, I snuck up behind Daniel and slipped my arms around him, picking his sensitive side of neck and kissing him behind ear. He reached back and pinched my back, telling me not to make troubles in the kitchen. I had to obey this sweet order and did some help, holding Sushi as he did and placing it on a specially prepared ceramic glazed platter. Daniel agreed to let me sneak a few before dinner, but I wasn't very good with using chopsticks. Daniel's sushi was smashed due to my awful skill, with rice scattering in soy sauce dishes.

Instead of throwing me out of the kitchen, Daniel replaced the soy sauce on the plate and made a tighter ball of raw fish. I was afraid to make the same mistake with chopsticks, so Daniel fed me the sushi and asked how it tasted.

In response, I gave him a kiss.

I watched as he touched his lips with two fingers, his thoughts shutting down at visible speed, and I finally didn't choke on my laughter. He wheeled me over to the table and pushed me into the seat so I wouldn't disturb the kitchen again, so I watched him do this and that, sitting up like a Japanese, waiting for dinner.

Daniel soon had dinner on the table, along with a hearty sushi plate, miso soup and a steaming Sukiyaki Pot. I poured him some Japanese wine with side dishes, and asked him when he had learned to cook Japanese food, and Daniel sat down and said it was a long time ago.

After the meal, we each got busy with our work. Daniel's new boss gave him a lot of tasks, and he didn't go to bed until nearly 3 a.m. In a daze before going to bed, I told him I was going to cook him some Cantonese food tomorrow. He turned off the bedside lamp and slipped into our bed, giving me one more goodnight kiss.

Since Married to Daniel, my life didn't seem to get any more boring over time, and he made a few small surprises to me every day, despite the intense intellectual work that drained him of almost all his energy. Daniel complained about his boss when he drank too much, shouting that it was that sadist who had caused his hairline to recede, and I hugged him and kissed the corner of his bangs and sideburns. At that moment, I’m probably drunk, too. I thought he was still so cute with a more obvious forehead.

I quit my job in the third year and used my savings to start my own company. I convinced Daniel to go into business with me, and I also poached a lot of talent from his previous employer. When I was starting out, I stayed in the office almost every day, and there was never enough time. Daniel just gave up the workload which was easier than before, and moved to the office to help me get through it.

As the company began to gain a foothold in New York, I moved around with ambitious plans to open more branches across the whole country. On my way home from work, I stopped in Detroit. I hadn't been home in five years since I fell out with my father. I had a lot to say to him and a lot to say to my mother, but when I stood in front of the house with my luggage, I suddenly lost the courage to go back in.

This was where I had lived for seventeen years, when my father would let me ride on his shoulders and carry me around the garden, when my mother would fill an inflatable pool with water and before it was full, Connor and I covered in mud would jump in and laugh together. My parents also set a flower stand, let us put all of our small handicraft on it. Whenever there was the wind, the handicrafts would tinkle like wind chimes-now they were also all gone. The garden had become a jumble of stuff, the old inflatable pool had been trampled into the corner, my brother was out starting a new family, and the parents were getting older every time we met them.

Time is really cruel, it is always a happy memory sifting away, a painful reality of contradiction leaving to me.

I couldn’t help crying as I walked, and I wanted to call Daniel. However, I was already in my early thirties, and it wasn't age appropriate for making my loved one to worry about me. I texted him incoherently in a taxi. It was a bunch of text messages, and I delete them all before sending them— God, what was I worrying about? When we got married, we promised to be there for each other forever, and I still love him as I did the day I proposed, and he loves me just as much — so what was there to worry about? Look, even time can't stop us.

I thought I might be too tired, so I stopped the taxi at the hotel for a day off in Detroit. When I entered the room, I closed the curtains and fell into a deep sleep. When I awoke from hunger, I got up and touched the watch on the bedside table. It was already 6 p.m..

I walked around the street, where the restaurant looked unappetising just at the front. I went into a supermarket to buy some cooked meat and beer, but I didn't know I would meet my brother here.

Connor stood in front of the freezer with his list and his cart piled high with groceries and children's food. His little daughter was always trying to get her hands off of him and play somewhere else, and Conner knelt down and took out a coin to please her. He didn't notice me at all.

Although he still kept his little hobby of playing with coins, he was already like a loving and steady father. After his marriage, he stepped back from the police station and put his focus on his family. My mother would send me pictures of his family, then ask me in a roundabout way when I would bring my girlfriend back to meet them.

When my brother's wife arrived with a shopping bag, the little girl hobbled forward and began coddling. She put down what she had in her hand, held her daughter in her arms, and smiling and whispering to her. It seemed she’s really a good, patient mother.

Connor kissed his wife and daughter and pushed a load of groceries through the supermarket. As the shelves began to block my view, I stopped and gave up the idea of going forward to say hello to him.

But it does seem to make life more warm and secure for a family with kids.

I packed up my schedule for the next few days and returned to New York two days early. As soon as I walked in the door, Daniel and I hooked up together, and we started having crazy sex in the bathroom without eating Dinner. We made a mess in the bathroom and didn’t stop until late in the evening.

Daniel looked tired, and we leaned lazily against each other in the warm tub with steam. As I turned my face to nibble on his brow, He lifted his head and grabbed my lips.

After a nap, I told Daniel that I wanted to adopt a baby with him.

Daniel opened his eyes wide and looked at me in a dazed way. He asked me why I thought that. I explained that I wanted to have a more complete family with him, and if he didn't like it, I wouldn't insist on it. Daniel seemed distraught. He denied that he hated children, and he valued my feelings. He was just afraid that if something went wrong, we would hurt the child who had no home again.

When I asked him what the problem indeed was, he got up out of the Bathtub with wet drops, put on his bathrobe and walked out barefoot.

I sat up and called out to Daniel, but he didn't want to talk to me. I was in the water, staring at the wall, wondering what he was worried about.

I spent the night on the living room couch, but Daniel came over the next day and kissed me awake. He asked me why I did not go to the bedroom to sleep, and that if I was angry with him, he apologize. I said no. I told him I was afraid that if he saw me, he would not sleep well because of worrying about yesterday's thing. He patted me on the head and told me never to sleep in the living room again, and I laughed and kissed Daniel.

In the sixth year of our marriage, Daniel fell in love with guns. I thought it wouldn't surprise me that he'd been doing gardening for so long. He often went to the shooting range by himself and spent three or five hours there.

Thinking I could shoot as well as my former army officer father and cop brother, I offered to go shooting with him. I stood aside to watch Daniel demonstrate. He is like the avenging hero in the gangster movie, shooting at the moving target and hitting the bull's-eye with a gun. Visually, there is a kind of incisive pleasure. As the crew rearranged the field, I saw Daniel staring off into space with the muzzle of the gun pressed to his Chin. I freaked out, telling him to stop, but he laughed and told me it wasn't loaded at all.

After the shooting range, we went to the gun store nearby. In the hunting rifle section, I wandered around for a long time and couldn't find the one I had broken sixth years ago. Daniel read my thoughts, but didn't say anything.

That Christmas Daniel gave me a hand crafted European hunting rifle, stately and sturdy, very similar in design to the one that had been destroyed. I didn't know what to say when I got this gift, and I hugged him tight. Daniel nudged me aside and told me it was time to go home to Detroit this holiday.

I said yes, taking his face in my hands and kissed it again and again.

Three days later, I returned home with Daniel's gift. When my father saw me, he was shoveling snow at the front door. His hair and beard were almost white, and his loose, dark skin was red with the cold. His broad, wiry hands were wrinkled. He did get much older than he had been when we last met.

I called him Dad, and I said, “I'm Constantin. I'm home now.”

He didn't act surprised, and he didn't tell me to get away. It was not until I stepped into the garden on the freshly shoveled ground that he told me to be careful not to slip.

My mother saw me from the window sill. She ran downstairs and patted the snow on my back and took me inside, blaming my father for not telling her I was back. The light inside was soft and warm. The pentacle on the Christmas tree was flashing dreamily, and two gift boxes still piled up under the tree. I carried the Ginger tea my mother made for me, and there was a pile of words that I do not know where to start. I apologized. I shouldn't have snapped at them like a kid. During the seven years, I’ve been driving through Detroit so many times, trying to get back together with them. I told them that I had started my own company, and that I had made enough money to give them a better place to live in New York, so that I could spend more time with them after work.

My father and mother looked at each other and said that no matter who I became, where I lived, who I lived with, how much money I made, they would always be proud of me, always.

I wanted so badly to tell them that Daniel and I were already married, and I wanted their blessing, but their reaction seven years ago still scared me. I gave my mother a pearl jewel and my father the gift from Daniel. When I asked my father if he was disappointed that I had destroyed something he loved, he told me that I was as reckless as he had been in his youth.

My parents talked about New York with me, then asked about my friend Daniel, whom them had met before. I couldn't help it. I told them that he had ordered the hunting rifle for me, and my parents pressed me on whether I had been with Daniel since seven years ago.

I tried to hide it again, but they knew me too well. My mother said we couldn't fool her with the way we looked at each other. My father said he didn't want to lose me for this reason, and he didn't mind having one more son.

I was on the verge of tears of joy when I heard them say that. I told them a lot about Daniel and several times dropped the phone that had started vibrating inappropriately in my pocket. When my parents made me promise to bring Daniel home to meet them, the landline rang out.

My mother picked up the phone and called me after a few words -- it was a call from Simon, whom I had asked to stay with Daniel. He told me to get back to New York. Something happened to Daniel. He found that no one answered the doorbell, no one answered the phone. He scanned his face to unlock the door, only to find that Daniel had committed suicide at home with a drug injection.

Daniel even left a suicide note— he was truly ready to die.

He told me he was not worthy of my love. The more I loved him, the more he suffered. He swears he never meant to hurt me, but because I have Connor's face, he still could't help pinning all his unfinished dreams on me -- he couldn't love me as passionately and purely as he loved Connor. Daniel knew this is unfair to me, so he kept his temper under control, hypnotized himself that it was Constantine whom he loved every day, and did everything he could to make up for it by playing the perfect partner. However, when it came to adoption, he got totally sober. He didn't love me, so he couldn't have a child with me. He pretended that nothing had happened and lived with me for another year, but he found himself couldn't stand it any more, he was so tired. His heart just wanted him to get away from me, but he had nowhere else to go, he had only to die.

At the end of the letter, Daniel wished that my relationship with my parents had not been affected by him and that I could find someone who truly loved me to live on and forget the hurt he had caused me.

I stood outside the ICU in a daze, holding the letter Daniel had left for me. Inside the glass window, Daniel was pale and weak, lying quietly on his bed with an oxygen tube. The liquid medicine hung silently, as if watering a dying plant.

As the frozen blood began to flow again, I curled up in the corridor chair, holding a mess of hair. The brain for solving problems had suddenly become stupid and bombastic. It could do nothing but tell me that Daniel was alive, that I needed to calm down and that there was still a way to solve everything.

When Daniel's health began to get better, I asked a friend to invite the best psychiatrist. After a period of treatment, his mental state had improved, but he still had not given up the idea of leaving me.

When he got home to pack his bags, Daniel was implacably calm, showing no emotion at all, and unbuttoning his suitcase with some of his belongings that he had carried around for years.

I called to Daniel, but he wouldn't talk to me at all. I asked him not to ignore me like a stranger. I asked him to look at me for just one more time.

But he didn't. He dragged the suitcase through the living room and headed for the outer door.

I got completely insane.

I grabbed him by the collar and yelled at him for doing all these cruel things to me. I was kissing him, fighting him on the couch, ripping his clothes off like a fucking rapist. I kissed him, fucking him. I was angry and sad. I wanted to hit him, but I was just crying and begged him like the worst beggar.

Please don't go, please, I beg you, Daniel. Don't leave me alone.

"I'm sorry... "

What, I'm sorry? No, no it's not... it's not what I want — why can't you just say "I love you" to me again? Tell me, Daniel, tell me, did you ever love me? Or did you never love me? Why do you prefer to die, prefer to love Conner, who abandoned you, with a lifetime, rather than spending a few more years to accept me? Daniel, where are you going to on your own? Are you going back to Detroit, to find Connor? He gives all his love to his wife, to his daughter. He had already forgotten you years ago! Daniel, I don't understand, I just don't understand…why do you have to leave me?

I held him like a cloud of smoke that could dissipate at any moment. His body temperature, his frequency of breath, the feeling in his body that I know all too well -- as if this were just a routine fuck, and we would take a hot shower together, kiss each other, say good night, and wrap ourselves in a warm thick blanket. I kissed his hair, his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his lips, and I cried, trembling at the corners of my mouth, as salty, bitter tears flowed in. I cried like a most useless trash. I couldn't say any word. My throat just felt like it was caught in a Steel wool.

Daniel reached out and took me in his arms. His arms used to give me peace of mind, but now I could feel his pain, too. It was because of me, this cruel, selfish man who is torturing him — and it only made me feel worse.

So I finally let him go.

He left someone he didn't love. That’s a good thing.

I was depressed for a while. I sold the company, and moved to Greece by myself. When lying on the balcony, staring out at the corner of the street, I often wondered if Daniel had ever loved me -- Even if for just one second in so much good time we spent together, it is enough.

If he didn't love me, he wouldn't have killed himself with thinking about me. If he didn't love me, he wouldn't have reached out and hugged me when I shamelessly raped him.

He loves me. He just doesn't know it. He must have loved me.

But it doesn't matter now. 

He's not with me anymore.

When I returned to New York a few years later, my former friends threw me a raucous welcome party to celebrate my recovery from the doldrums. With the help of my old friends, I got my life back on track. I put all my energy back into my work, making even more money -- I felt empty, so I started sleeping around again, constantly changing partners. When meeting Blond Hair Blue Eyes, meeting who want to make true love, I pay them the amount they want, and just leave them right away.

Making money, wasting money, having sex, it makes me feel like nothing has changed. I'm still the same bachelor I was more than a decade ago. In so many midnight dreams, the man who stood smiling at me in front of the Sunlit windowsill, had only a faded shadow left.

My life has nothing to do with Daniel anymore.

And I never fell in love with someone again.


	2. Chapter 2

Under Translating


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